just some quick stuff

the day got away from me!

Listen… I spent a lot of the weekend and yesterday ignoring some work I had to in order to finish some other work I had to do, and then a third project reared its head, and so I spent a lot of today catching up on work I’d put off. And now it’s 11:15pm in New York so: let’s just do a grab bag! Oops!

is the President a butterfingers?

I think we all have our own mental image of what the President’s use of personal technology looks like. I honestly don’t think he has ever touched a computer manufactured after 1987, but I do think he is chronically addicted to his phone. Here’s the routine: he wakes up at 4:30 in the morning each day through a process in which some unlucky White House staffer has to plunge a giant shot of adrenaline straight into his heart like in Pulp Fiction. Boom. He’s wired. He turns on Fox and immediately shifts into turbo mode. He’s watching the news and he’s hearing stuff for the first time and it’s making him so angry and he’s letting the tweets rip.

What I had not counted on was him getting the jitters. I forgot about the jitters because I hadn’t had them in a while, but yesterday I woke up with that distinct pit in my stomach that I occasionally get that requires an energy drink. I can’t explain it. I’m just really hungry and my brain is like, the only way to fix this is by slamming a Red Bull. So I went to the bodega and got two 12oz Red Bulls (the second one was for some undetermined later time) and drank one around 11am. Then, I was still hungry so I drank the other one right after. Absolutely stupid move. About two hours later, they hit me like a truck. I have to open all the windows in my apartment and peel off my sweatshirt because my internal temperature has spiked. My appetite has bottomed out instantaneously, so I start housing anything in my fridge — wolfing down leftover soup, smear some nutella on unused hot dog buns, real psycho stuff. My hands are jittery. I feel insane. Caffeine usually doesn’t do much to me but these are unusual times. It all goes away after a half hour.

ANYWAY: how I felt for about 30 minutes yesterday is how I assume our convalescing President pumped full of Regeneron feels all the time. He’s mad and tweeting and shaking and suddenly his phone flies out of his hands and onto his bathroom floor (he’s on the toilet) and his absolutely gnarled screen protector earns another crease. At least, that’s my hypothesis.

hey uuuuuuhhhh what’s going on here?

I don’t really have a lot to add to this one. If you’re into seeing cartoons get pantsed, this seems like the channel for you. Almost nine years ago, the CartoonFetishMan set out with a distinct goal in mind:

Hello to any people with wierd fetishes
This is my weird fetish, cartoon characters that are either in their underwear or pied in the face. Nothing sexualized such as boobs or penis comes to mind, but its such a huge fetish of mine I have created pictures that fuel it.

Good to know. This is not about boobs or penis.

I guess one detail that I really appreciate here is CartoonFetishMan’s commitment to the discourse. Conside the caption on this video, “Goofy Pantses Pete.”

I created this video with the YouTube Video Editor. Windows Media Maker was acting retarded again. Sorry for the brief skip that happens around 0:20 Anyway here is a classic scene from the Goof Troop episode, In Goof We Trust. Don't you think Pete would feel his pants being taken off?

There’s so much packed into this text. He goes into the technical methods used to create this piece, drawing us into his craft. He apologizes for a brief skip, which I do not care about because this is not my fetish, but he is taking care to warn other fetishists: “hey, this glitch might harsh… whatever you’re trying to do.” He cites the material so you can find the primary source on yourown.

And he starts a discussion.

Do I think Pete would feel his pants being taken off? Honestly, no. Pete’s such a blowhard, so single-minded, that he would not feel his pants being taken off. Is not noticing a sort of toxic masculinity? Probably. I’m riffing. Unfortunately, comments on this video are turned off so I do not know how other feel about Pete’s pants.

do you agree?

all things i’d

Second Beat Songs is a fun Tumblr whose admin takes songs and removes every second beat. Last month, they posted a version of The Killers’ “All These Things' That I’ve Done,” which you might remember from the extremely coherent and normal movie Southland Tales.

Here’s a partial transcript of the remix:

When all else sun,

Saro and was on,

One or so,

If you hold on,

Can’t hold on,

Hold on.

I wend, I wake,

You me know, you tee toe,

Oh, God, hard town,

We can try coke in,

Image and art, I’m such o’er limited,

Imection, wums, was I mexion texion no no how.

Yeah, you gotta how, yeah,

Put me back bur,

You gotta how, yeah.

It makes more sense in the audio version.

unfortunately, I like watching stuff in VR

I’m not really a VR guy, but I have an Oculus Quest, and I broke it out last week to watch some content. The thought of having a hot plastic box strapped to my eyes for two hours is inherently unappealing in many ways, but these are unusual times and as a result, I’m now like, “Yeah, let’s strap into the warm face box.” I didn’t watch an entire movie but I did load up the Oculus Netflix app and watch a full episode of Jeopardy! and it was so nice! The Netflix VR app is you sitting in front of a giant TV in a ski lodge type of place, and it was extremely pleasant. It turns out when you put the hot box on your face and literally can’t use your phone, you pay attention to the content and get absorbed in it. Who knew? Anyway, VR video might be a thing I do now. Time will tell.


  • I am mad that prior obligations prevented me from digging into 8800 Blue Lick Road, whose online real estate listing and 3D virtual tour is a fascinating neverending horror show. But I am glad Andy Baio did it instead. check out the house and check out the blog. I promise it’s worth it.

  • Some friends and I are streaming Among Us on Wednesday night (which might be today!) at 8:30 eastern. We’re doing this to raise money for the Mississippi Reproductive Freedom Fund, because reproductive rights are in the news and under threat (for more information, google “news”). Anyway, it’ll be streaming at twitch.tv/bfeld and you can also donate here.

Thank you for reading BNet. I’ll say it: the PS5 is too big.