lightning round!

just some stuff

Look, I’m already doing a controlled slide into the holiday weekend and I don’t really have a coherent topic of discussion for today, so here’s a collection of stuff I found online this week. If you’re looking for more substantive to read, I recommend the previous BNet, which went out late last Friday and I think deserves a lot more attention and praise, if I’m being honest.

ANYWAY:


please explain this video to me

I came across this video on TikTok from a Russian user and I honestly cannot figure out what the conflict/prank/goof is supposed to be. The video, from user @aleksa.shapiro and soundtracked by Nicki Minaj’s “Pound The Alarm” is captioned, “Я правильно поступила?” Google Translate tells me this means “Did I do the right thing?”

Here’s what happens in the video. A man and a woman sit down to eat what I assume is a plate of hash browns (maybe it’s a slaw or kraut of some kind) and significantly, maybe dangerously, pale sausages. The man has three sausages, the woman one. The woman gets up to grab some mugs of drink (at the man’s request, based on the pantomime) and while she is gone, the man takes her one sausage, puts it on his plate, and then he switches the plates.

So then the woman comes back, does not notice that she somehow has 3 more sausages than before, and they both start eating. The man who did the switcheroo then pushes asides the hash browns/slaw/whatever to reveal that his eating companion had more sausages buried underneath on her plate!

Again, I must ask: what is happening here? Was she supposed to only eat one sausage? If that’s the case, why did the man give her his sausages? Did the man not want sausages? In which case, why was he given a plate of three while the woman (seemingly) received only one? Who is in the right here? Who is in the wrong? What did each hope to achieve with their schemes? Something appears to have gotten lost in translation and I’m at my wit’s end here.


just pathetic, even for Jeb

(For context: Room Rater is a gimmick account that rates the rooms of people Skyping into cable news and the like.)


i am OBSESSED

with this Tumblr user who “made an alternate universe UK version of The Big Bang Theory by fusing everyone with Gollum from Lord Of The Rings and slightly de-aging them.


screw it, I’m gonna count all of the piss bottles

I came across another confounding TikTok video, but confounding for entirely different reasons from the one above. First off, it’s from a user named Roy&Colleen (sharing a joint social media account should be punishable by at least a decade of forced labor) and features (presumably) Colleen cleaning out a room. The room used to be her sister’s — the gross one in the basement — but when Colleen went to college, the sister to Colleen’s room, leaving Colleen with the gross one.

Colleen documented the cleanup and there are… an astounding number of piss bottles featured. Do people really do this? Just piss in bottles? And leave the bottles lying around? There are so many that, as the title of this section implies, I’m counting all of them. It’s going to be impossible to account for duplicates, so take this with a grain of salt. Let’s go!!!

We’re at 21(!) pee bottles so far, and the worst is yet to come. Yes, I’m talking about a big pan across a bunch of bottles across the floor. It’s tough to keep track of, so I loaded the three screenshots side by side in an image editor and put a dot on each unique one — red dots for “almost certainly piss” and blue dots for “empty, (possible past or future piss vessel).” Then I counted up the dots.

That’s 10 more definite piss bottles — for a total of 31 bottles of urine — as well as 41 potential piss bottles. Gen Z is going to save us! The kids are alright!


would you get in this uber?


some coding humour

I now know how to make things in React, which is an open-source Javascript framework maintained by… [shudders]… Facebook. As a result, I now understand this tweet and find it funny.


Elsewhere…


Thank you for reading BNet. Again, I’m not gonna send out a BNet this Friday. I have been doing this twice a week since April without taking a break except for Independence Day so I think I’ve earned it. If you disagree, uhhhh okay.