ted_accts.txt

checkin' in on the Teds

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I am not exactly good at organizing files on my computer. This is not especially odd, but it is a little strange given that I am not a file hoarder. I delete screenshots after I’ve used them for their intended purpose, I don’t hoard pirated media indefinitely, and I keep my Desktop relatively sparse. Still, I try to come up with some coherent system, like date, or subject, or theme, and often fail. Funny pics I find online usually go in a folder on my desktop called “junk drawer” or “garbage.” Temporary folders get names like “hmmm” for their brief lifespans.

Even files I want to keep often end up in arbitrarily designated pockets. Which is how, earlier this month, I stumbled across a file named “ted_accts.txt” inside the “whatever” folder, which was itself nested in the “miscellaneous” folder of my “Documents” folder. It was last modified in early March 2014.

I do not know why I created this file, but it definitely wasn’t important, because I created it and then forgot about it for six years. It sat lurking on my hard drive like a malignant tumor.

The .txt file is a simple list of URLs, all leading to Twitter accounts. The commonality is that all of the accounts are roleplaying as Ted, the rude, Boston-based teddy bear voiced by Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane in the films Ted and Ted 2.

It happens less on Twitter these days, but a bygone growth hack for quickly gaining followers was to become a parody account of a pop culture personality. Parody accounts are often not actually parody; they are merely the thoughts of their creators thinly masked by a prominent figure. We all know how comedian Will Ferrell often says stuff like this (this account has 1.3 million followers).

Anyway, some arcane spirit moved me to compile a list of every Twitter account pretending to be Ted, the rude bear who smoke-a the ganja. I found 64 of them. Some are sexist and/or racist. Some of them are devastatingly popular. All of them are terribly unfunny. Let’s check in, shall we?

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@TedParody

Bio: “Johnny’s thunder buddy for life! **This is a parody account** Make $$$ on Twitter by using this link: http://spon.tw/r8ZRa”

Followers: 8462

Sample tweet:

Ted @TedParody

Me in 4th grade: Wow swearing is so bad I won't ever swear! Me now: Pass the motherfuckin salt you bitch.

@TedOfficialPage

Account suspended

@Laughbook

Bio: “#1 source for laughs on Twitter (Roleplaying) I do not own the content posted Advertising: Laughbook@ymail.com”

Followers: 1.3 million

Sample tweet:

TED @Laughbook

2020 will be filled with blessing 2020 will be filled with blessings 2020 will be filled with blessings 2020 will be filled with blessings 2020 will be filled with blessings 2020 will be filled with blessings 2020 will be filled with blessings

@Truthful_Humor

Bio: No matter how sad I am...I will still make you smile & laugh. (No affiliation with Ted). Parody"

Followers: 31,439

Sample tweet:

Ted Humor @Truthful_Humor

Wishing my friend's houses were connected to mine by secret tunnels.

@HilariousTed

Bio: “I am a crazy son of a bitch. Follow me bitches. *parody/fan account*”

Followers: 289,731

Sample tweet:

TED @HilariousTed

Best photobomb https://t.co/hdpN18KLOg

@TedsReal

Bio: "#Ted; Making bitches laugh, one tweet at a time!

[Parody Account]

Business: TedsReal@ymail.com"

Followers: 60,206

Sample tweet:

TED @TedsReal

Sometimes it hurts to hold back my sarcasm.

@ImRealTed

Bio: “Taking a Holiday on This because i am Earning $750 daily doing the job through the internet from my house. My best ambitions finally came correct.”

Followers: 6

Only tweet:

Obtain Payroll @imrealTED

tubepayit.com causes me to get a hassle-free $750 every single day inside mearly a limited number of hours.

@imdaTED

Account suspended

@HiIariousTed

Bio: “i’m ted. i’m real. and all I do is snort, smoke, drink and fuck. follow me bitches. oh and this is obviously a parody dumbass.”

Followers: 39,053

Sample tweet:

Ted. @HiIariousTed

Easy $600 up to $114,000 a month, sign up for 100$!! plus you get your $100 back Email : RealAngelaScott@yahoo.com

@ComedyTed

Account suspended

@medaTED

This account doesn’t exist

@OfficialTedSays

Bio: “i’m ted. i’m real. and all I do is snort, smoke, drink and fuck. follow me bitches. oh and this is obviously a parody dumbass.”

Followers: 16

Sample tweet:

Ted says @OFFICIALTEDSAYS

Being born is just the slowest waterslide ever..

@TheRrealTed

Account suspended

@Ted_Talks_U_LOL

This account doesn’t exist

@OMGisTED

Account suspended

@LolOhComedy

Account suspended

@fyfyted

This account doesn’t exist

@BearNamedTed

Account suspended

@Tedfuns

Account suspended

@TEDReloaded

Account suspended

@TheReaITED

Account suspended

@RealTEDBitch

This account doesn’t exist

@TedBearBennett

Bio: “Ted Parody Account / Role-Playing (no affiliation with Ted the movie)”

Followers: 1,012

Sample tweet:

TED @TedBearBennett

People change, things go wrong. Just remember, life goes on.

@TheOfficiaITED

Bio: “i’m ted. i’m real. and all I do is smoke, drink and party. follow me bitches. oh and this is obviously a parody dumbass. *parody* original fucking ted parody”

Followers: 657

Sample tweet:

TED @TheOfficiaITED

I wonder if I've already met the person who I'm going to marry.

@itsTEDpage

This account doesn’t exist

@ohitsTED

Bio: “I’m ted. I’m real. and all I do is smoke, drink and party.”

Followers: 24,514

Sample tweet:

TED @ohitsTED

A regular bag of M&M's is family size if you're an orphan

@Soy__TED

Bio: "parodia OFICIAL del mejor oso.

Hablo de lo que sucede HOY 🎩 * fan account *"

Followers: 140,666

Sample tweet:

@TheRealTed_1

Bio: “Ted The Movie *Parody Account*”

Followers: 1,158

Sample tweet:

Best Tweets @TheRealTed_1

Retweet If You've Ever Smoked Weed .

@itstherealTED

Bio: “i’m ted. i’m real. and all I do is smoke, drink and party. follow me bitches. oh and this is obviously a parody. *PARODY* *ROLEPLAYING*”

Followers: 4,150

Sample tweet:

TED @itstherealTED

WTF?! Miley Cyrus Gets Tattoo on Bottom of Her Feet vladtv.com/mbb6

@itstalkingted

Bio: “The teddy bear that came to life, the 1st Ted parody….I am not Ted (This is a parody account) Not in any way affiliated with the actor Ted.”

Followers: 725

Sample tweet:

ted @itstalkingted

I already predicted Finding Nemo 2's commercial: They've lost him AGAIN...but this time ....IT'S....IN.....3D

@_TedParody

Bio: “Just when you thought the world was safe…”

Followers: 8

Sample tweet:

_TedParody @_TedParody

I wish I could give something to these guys. It makes the world a better place. Homeless Melbourne couple get hitched: soc.li/2Hu6JiT

@Ted_Parody__

Bio: “Follow for funny Tweets. I Follow back”

Followers: 57

Sample tweet:

Ted Parody @Ted_Parody__

I gas prices keep going up, im gonna flinstone that shit!

@Ted_____Parody

Bio: “I Just Retweet Funny Shit From Ted”

Followers: 4

Sample tweet:

TEDParody @Ted_____Parody

can't change my picture

@TheTEDParody

Bio: “the TED parody”

Followers: 2

Sample tweet: n/a, no existing tweets

@TEDParody_Movie

Bio: “Johnny’s thunder buddy for life! This Is A Parody Account & Has No Affiliation With Ted From The Movie”

Followers: 2

Only tweet:

Ted Parody @TEDParody_Movie

Hey, I just met you... and this is crazy, but your so pretty... so let's make babies!

@ParodyTedparody

Bio: none

Followers: 6

Sample tweet:

Ted parody @ParodyTedparody

That awkward moment when you see your friends at the mall but your with your mom

@TeamShoutOutTFB

Bio: “Thinker Shitter Stoner Spy . I am Ted Parody Account. i forgot my phone number.. can i have yours ?? pass that shizz and follow me everybody i follow back!”

Followers: 369

Sample tweet:

Totally Stoned Ted @TeamShoutOutTFB

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police do. #TeamStonerFollowBack

@TedUnrated

Account suspended

@OfficiallTeddy

This account doesn’t exist

@icomedyposts

Bio: “Im NOT Ted (Fan Page) (This Is A Parody Account ~ Not In Any Way Affiliated With Ted)”

Followers: 32

Sample tweet:

Ted Parody @icomedyposts

If weed becomes legal, I can't wait to see the commercials. TED + WEED = Smokey Bear

@PincheTed

Account suspended

@JustTEDBitch

Bio: “IM ALIVE! Follow me and let’s sing the thunder song. (PARODY)”

Followers: 12,434

Sample tweet:

TED! @JustTEDBitch

When I die, I want my tombstone to offer free WiFi, just so people will visit more often.

@TheOfficialTed

Account suspended

@TedsParody

Bio: “Not the original Ted. Just a parody so follow.”

Followers: 299

Sample tweet:

TED @TedsParody

Nothing lasts forever. So live it up, drink it down, laugh it out, avoid the bullshit, take chances, and never have regrets.

@tellemagain

Bio: “Not another Ted Parody...its me bitches!”

Followers: 696

Sample tweet:

Brooke Baldwin @BrookeBCNN

If you've watched this show enough... you know I LOVE music. Next -- ahead of @TheSixtiesCNN tonight, we'll talk 60's music w @donnabrazile!

Badteddy @tellemagain

Play it fuckin LOUD! @BrookeBCNN @TheSixtiesCNN @donnabrazile

@chiefkeefsossa

Bio: “Tweeting The Funniest And Realest Tweets On Twitter. Enjoy! *This a Parody , not affilated with Ted from the Move.*”

Followers: 6,955

Sample tweet:

TED @chiefkeefsossa

Go follow @StewieJokesss

@LolFunnyTed

Bio: “I’m Ted, yes i’m a bear and all i do is snort, smoke, drink and fuck. Follow me bitches. *parody/fan account*”

Followers: 676

Sample tweet:

TED @LolFunnyTed

So, if Prince William is 100% royal, and Kate Middleton is 0% royal... Does that mean their son is the Half-Blood Prince?

@RealTedParody

Bio: “follow me for funny shit! (not anyway affiliated with the movie Ted)”

Followers: 8

Sample tweet:

Ted Parody @RealTedParody

#20PetPeeves RADIO ADDS, like honestly no one wants to fucking hear that!

@TedParody5

Bio: “Fuck you thunder, you can suck my dick. (Not real TED)”

Followers: 5

Sample tweet:

Ted @TedParody5

When I play my music all my problems and life just disappears.

@ThunderBud1

Bio: “This account has nothing to do with the actor or movie Ted. (Just a parody account. Love role-playing)”

Followers: 3

Sample tweet:

Ted Parody @ThunderBud1

When I have a boy I’ll name him ‘SPARTA’ so everytime i’m introducing him to someone I can shout THIS IS SPARTA !!!

@TedParody1

Bio: "Ted Parody Account

Life ain’t nothin' but bitches and honey.

I look like something you give to your kid when you tell him Grandma died."

Followers: 3

Sample tweet:

Ted @TedParody1

Megabus - that's the name of my penis

@ted__parody

Bio: none

Followers: 2

Sample tweet: n/a, no existing tweets

@Ted_Parody_

Bio: none

Followers: 3

Sample tweet:

Ted Parody @Ted_Parody_

Ain't no sex like that "we ain't fucked in a while" sex.

@TedRealParody

Bio: none

Followers: 2

Sample tweet:

Ted PARODY @TedRealParody

Not telling me something because you "didn't want to piss me off" is probably the best way to piss me off.

@TedParodyAcc

Bio: “Hi I’m Ted and I like to go to strip clubs and sniff cocaine off of hookers vagina’s! #TeamFuckOffiDontFollowAnyone”

Followers: 8

Sample tweet:

TED @TedParodyAcc

#JulyWish Cocaine Marijuana And underage drinking becomes legal.

@Ted_parody12

Bio: “Just a regular fuckin drunk that rocks ur world ladies (parody account) yes I’m a teddy bear that can talk so fuck off (; follow plz”

Followers: 4

Sample tweet:

Im TED @Ted_parody12

I'm high a fuck ;)

@TEDDY_BEAR0

Bio: none

Followers: 10

Sample tweet:

TED PARODY @TEDDY_BEAR0

Smart Blondes are like UFOs you hear about them but can't find them!

@Ted_Parody2012

Bio: “Parody account just role playing follow me i follow back”

Followers: 2

Only tweet:

Ted @Ted_Parody2012

B-E-F-O-R-E not b4 we speak English take that shit some where else RT if you agree

@tedsayings_

Bio: “i’m ted. i’m real. and all I do is smoke, drink and party. follow me bitches. oh and this is obviously a parody. *PARODY*”

Followers: 559

Sample tweet:

TED @tedsayings_

I wish me and you could be together all the time 😘. SIKE BITCH ✌👋

@TED_ita

Bio: “Sono vivo! Dormo, fumo e faccio sesso, seguitemi. Parody account” [“I’m alive! I sleep, smoke and have sex, follow me. Parody account”]

Followers: 76,750

Sample tweet:

@RealTedTheBear

Bio: “its ted! i smoke, drink, fuck, and snort! im the bear your parents did not want you too have! first parody account ever made for Ted!”

Followers: 446

Sample tweet: n/a, only retweets

@BakedTed

Bio: “I’m #Ted, I’m real. All I do is smoke #weed, drink and party. Bitches follow me to stay amazing. (This account is obviously a *PARODY*)”

Followers: 2,076

Sample tweet:

Baked Ted™ @BakedTed

School doesn't even test your intelligence, it tests your memory.

@itsrealTEDS

Bio: “i’m ted. i’m real. and all I do is smoke, drink and party. follow me bitches. oh and this is obviously a parody. *PARODY* *ROLEPLAYING* cannabisland”

Followers: 819

Sample tweet:

TED @itsrealTEDS

Relationships aren`t easy to handle, but we`re gonna work it out. Simply because I know we`re meant for each other.....

@TalkingTed_

Bio: “The teddy bear that came to life, follow my page, retweet or die…....I am not Ted (This is a parody account) Not in any way affiliated with the actor Ted.”

Followers: 673

Sample tweet:

Ted @TalkingTed_

Who Watched Ted?

Seems like the Teds are doing just fine. Cheers… to the teds.

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Elsewhere…

• “Nice!”

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