ted_accts.txt

checkin' in on the Teds

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I am not exactly good at organizing files on my computer. This is not especially odd, but it is a little strange given that I am not a file hoarder. I delete screenshots after I’ve used them for their intended purpose, I don’t hoard pirated media indefinitely, and I keep my Desktop relatively sparse. Still, I try to come up with some coherent system, like date, or subject, or theme, and often fail. Funny pics I find online usually go in a folder on my desktop called “junk drawer” or “garbage.” Temporary folders get names like “hmmm” for their brief lifespans.

Even files I want to keep often end up in arbitrarily designated pockets. Which is how, earlier this month, I stumbled across a file named “ted_accts.txt” inside the “whatever” folder, which was itself nested in the “miscellaneous” folder of my “Documents” folder. It was last modified in early March 2014.

I do not know why I created this file, but it definitely wasn’t important, because I created it and then forgot about it for six years. It sat lurking on my hard drive like a malignant tumor.

The .txt file is a simple list of URLs, all leading to Twitter accounts. The commonality is that all of the accounts are roleplaying as Ted, the rude, Boston-based teddy bear voiced by Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane in the films Ted and Ted 2.

It happens less on Twitter these days, but a bygone growth hack for quickly gaining followers was to become a parody account of a pop culture personality. Parody accounts are often not actually parody; they are merely the thoughts of their creators thinly masked by a prominent figure. We all know how comedian Will Ferrell often says stuff like this (this account has 1.3 million followers).

Anyway, some arcane spirit moved me to compile a list of every Twitter account pretending to be Ted, the rude bear who smoke-a the ganja. I found 64 of them. Some are sexist and/or racist. Some of them are devastatingly popular. All of them are terribly unfunny. Let’s check in, shall we?


@TedParody

Bio: “Johnny’s thunder buddy for life! **This is a parody account** Make $$$ on Twitter by using this link: http://spon.tw/r8ZRa”

Followers: 8462

Sample tweet:

@TedOfficialPage

Account suspended

@Laughbook

Bio: “#1 source for laughs on Twitter (Roleplaying) I do not own the content posted Advertising: Laughbook@ymail.com”

Followers: 1.3 million

Sample tweet:

@Truthful_Humor

Bio: No matter how sad I am...I will still make you smile & laugh. (No affiliation with Ted). Parody"

Followers: 31,439

Sample tweet:

@HilariousTed

Bio: “I am a crazy son of a bitch. Follow me bitches. *parody/fan account*”

Followers: 289,731

Sample tweet:

@TedsReal

Bio: "#Ted; Making bitches laugh, one tweet at a time!

[Parody Account]

Business: TedsReal@ymail.com"

Followers: 60,206

Sample tweet:

@ImRealTed

Bio: “Taking a Holiday on This because i am Earning $750 daily doing the job through the internet from my house. My best ambitions finally came correct.”

Followers: 6

Only tweet:

Obtain Payroll @imrealTED
tubepayit.com causes me to get a hassle-free $750 every single day inside mearly a limited number of hours.

@imdaTED

Account suspended

@HiIariousTed

Bio: “i’m ted. i’m real. and all I do is snort, smoke, drink and fuck. follow me bitches. oh and this is obviously a parody dumbass.”

Followers: 39,053

Sample tweet:

@ComedyTed

Account suspended

@medaTED

This account doesn’t exist

@OfficialTedSays

Bio: “i’m ted. i’m real. and all I do is snort, smoke, drink and fuck. follow me bitches. oh and this is obviously a parody dumbass.”

Followers: 16

Sample tweet:

@TheRrealTed

Account suspended

@Ted_Talks_U_LOL

This account doesn’t exist

@OMGisTED

Account suspended

@LolOhComedy

Account suspended

@fyfyted

This account doesn’t exist

@BearNamedTed

Account suspended

@Tedfuns

Account suspended

@TEDReloaded

Account suspended

@TheReaITED

Account suspended

@RealTEDBitch

This account doesn’t exist

@TedBearBennett

Bio: “Ted Parody Account / Role-Playing (no affiliation with Ted the movie)”

Followers: 1,012

Sample tweet:

@TheOfficiaITED

Bio: “i’m ted. i’m real. and all I do is smoke, drink and party. follow me bitches. oh and this is obviously a parody dumbass. *parody* original fucking ted parody”

Followers: 657

Sample tweet:

@itsTEDpage

This account doesn’t exist

@ohitsTED

Bio: “I’m ted. I’m real. and all I do is smoke, drink and party.”

Followers: 24,514

Sample tweet:

@Soy__TED

Bio: "parodia OFICIAL del mejor oso.

Hablo de lo que sucede HOY 🎩 * fan account *"

Followers: 140,666

Sample tweet:

@TheRealTed_1

Bio: “Ted The Movie *Parody Account*”

Followers: 1,158

Sample tweet:

@itstherealTED

Bio: “i’m ted. i’m real. and all I do is smoke, drink and party. follow me bitches. oh and this is obviously a parody. *PARODY* *ROLEPLAYING*”

Followers: 4,150

Sample tweet:

@itstalkingted

Bio: “The teddy bear that came to life, the 1st Ted parody….I am not Ted (This is a parody account) Not in any way affiliated with the actor Ted.”

Followers: 725

Sample tweet:

@_TedParody

Bio: “Just when you thought the world was safe…”

Followers: 8

Sample tweet:

@Ted_Parody__

Bio: “Follow for funny Tweets. I Follow back”

Followers: 57

Sample tweet:

@Ted_____Parody

Bio: “I Just Retweet Funny Shit From Ted”

Followers: 4

Sample tweet:

@TheTEDParody

Bio: “the TED parody”

Followers: 2

Sample tweet: n/a, no existing tweets

@TEDParody_Movie

Bio: “Johnny’s thunder buddy for life! This Is A Parody Account & Has No Affiliation With Ted From The Movie”

Followers: 2

Only tweet:

@ParodyTedparody

Bio: none

Followers: 6

Sample tweet:

@TeamShoutOutTFB

Bio: “Thinker Shitter Stoner Spy . I am Ted Parody Account. i forgot my phone number.. can i have yours ?? pass that shizz and follow me everybody i follow back!”

Followers: 369

Sample tweet:

@TedUnrated

Account suspended

@OfficiallTeddy

This account doesn’t exist

@icomedyposts

Bio: “Im NOT Ted (Fan Page) (This Is A Parody Account ~ Not In Any Way Affiliated With Ted)”

Followers: 32

Sample tweet:

@PincheTed

Account suspended

@JustTEDBitch

Bio: “IM ALIVE! Follow me and let’s sing the thunder song. (PARODY)”

Followers: 12,434

Sample tweet:

@TheOfficialTed

Account suspended

@TedsParody

Bio: “Not the original Ted. Just a parody so follow.”

Followers: 299

Sample tweet:

@tellemagain

Bio: “Not another Ted Parody...its me bitches!”

Followers: 696

Sample tweet:

@chiefkeefsossa

Bio: “Tweeting The Funniest And Realest Tweets On Twitter. Enjoy! *This a Parody , not affilated with Ted from the Move.*”

Followers: 6,955

Sample tweet:

@LolFunnyTed

Bio: “I’m Ted, yes i’m a bear and all i do is snort, smoke, drink and fuck. Follow me bitches. *parody/fan account*”

Followers: 676

Sample tweet:

@RealTedParody

Bio: “follow me for funny shit! (not anyway affiliated with the movie Ted)”

Followers: 8

Sample tweet:

@TedParody5

Bio: “Fuck you thunder, you can suck my dick. (Not real TED)”

Followers: 5

Sample tweet:

@ThunderBud1

Bio: “This account has nothing to do with the actor or movie Ted. (Just a parody account. Love role-playing)”

Followers: 3

Sample tweet:

@TedParody1

Bio: "Ted Parody Account

Life ain’t nothin' but bitches and honey.

I look like something you give to your kid when you tell him Grandma died."

Followers: 3

Sample tweet:

@ted__parody

Bio: none

Followers: 2

Sample tweet: n/a, no existing tweets

@Ted_Parody_

Bio: none

Followers: 3

Sample tweet:

@TedRealParody

Bio: none

Followers: 2

Sample tweet:

@TedParodyAcc

Bio: “Hi I’m Ted and I like to go to strip clubs and sniff cocaine off of hookers vagina’s! #TeamFuckOffiDontFollowAnyone”

Followers: 8

Sample tweet:

@Ted_parody12

Bio: “Just a regular fuckin drunk that rocks ur world ladies (parody account) yes I’m a teddy bear that can talk so fuck off (; follow plz”

Followers: 4

Sample tweet:

@TEDDY_BEAR0

Bio: none

Followers: 10

Sample tweet:

@Ted_Parody2012

Bio: “Parody account just role playing follow me i follow back”

Followers: 2

Only tweet:

@tedsayings_

Bio: “i’m ted. i’m real. and all I do is smoke, drink and party. follow me bitches. oh and this is obviously a parody. *PARODY*”

Followers: 559

Sample tweet:

@TED_ita

Bio: “Sono vivo! Dormo, fumo e faccio sesso, seguitemi. Parody account” [“I’m alive! I sleep, smoke and have sex, follow me. Parody account”]

Followers: 76,750

Sample tweet:

@RealTedTheBear

Bio: “its ted! i smoke, drink, fuck, and snort! im the bear your parents did not want you too have! first parody account ever made for Ted!”

Followers: 446

Sample tweet: n/a, only retweets

@BakedTed

Bio: “I’m #Ted, I’m real. All I do is smoke #weed, drink and party. Bitches follow me to stay amazing. (This account is obviously a *PARODY*)”

Followers: 2,076

Sample tweet:

@itsrealTEDS

Bio: “i’m ted. i’m real. and all I do is smoke, drink and party. follow me bitches. oh and this is obviously a parody. *PARODY* *ROLEPLAYING* cannabisland”

Followers: 819

Sample tweet:

@TalkingTed_

Bio: “The teddy bear that came to life, follow my page, retweet or die…....I am not Ted (This is a parody account) Not in any way affiliated with the actor Ted.”

Followers: 673

Sample tweet:

Seems like the Teds are doing just fine. Cheers… to the teds.


Elsewhere…


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