the flash funeral: doing it live

tonight at 8pm

You probably felt an intangible emptiness lingering over you yesterday. It’s because I didn’t send out a newsletter. See, what happened was: I woke up Monday with a scratchy throat and that turned into a cold overnight so I spent all of Tuesday breathing through my mouth and taking no less than four small naps as I tried pathetically to get my apartment to be not too hot or too cold.

The germs threw a wrench in what I had planned for yesterday evening: a Farewell to Flash Extravaganza, Live!

At the end of the year, which according to clocks is pretty soon, Flash will be dead. Flash, as we all know, was this thing you had to install sometimes, to watch a funny video or get a website to load. It was software, I think? Maybe it was a plugin? It was definitely annoying when some computers had it and some didn’t.

Hold on…

Adobe Flash is a multimedia software platform used for production of animations, Rich web applications, desktop applications, mobile apps, mobile games, and embedded web browser video players. Flash displays text, vector graphics and raster graphics to provide animations, video games and applications. It allows streaming of audio and video, and can capture mouse, keyboard, microphone, and camera input.

Okay, now I know.

Anyhow, here are some Flash things I remember, most of which have not aged particularly well.

The Star Wars Gangsta Rap

The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

Happy Tree Friends

This specific image from middle school

The Bin Laden Song

The End of the World

(I have a vivid recollection of quoting this one with my brother, who helped me realize what “WTF” meant, I believe, as we walked into a Borders in East Brunswick.)

The scenic countryside


those are all of the Flash things I remember. Just kidding! There are a lot more, and it’s not fun to read about them, so I’m gonna play some flash games and watch some old Flash things tonight at 8pm (eastern) on Twitch. Here’s what looked like around the time of my bar mitzvah — I’m definitely going to play the helicopter game. Maybe I’ll figure out how to take calls; that could be fun.

I will be streaming at, revealing ancient secrets, like how to get the highest possible score on Spank the Monkey, which I’m just now realizing is wordplay.

See you tonight!


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